Harry's Intervention
by MissesLovegoodEverdeenBaggins
Summary: Why should Harry be at the Room of Requirement at 2:00? *Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, computernerd01, Call Me Maybe, Spongebob, Potter Puppet Pals, AVPM/AVPS, the Duck Song, Mean Girls, or What's New Pussy Cat. I own nothing. Wow. I need to own something...but I own nothing but a bowl of Ramen. Mm, Ramen.


"Harry," Hermione, who was standing next to her boyfriend Ron, said. "Could you meet us in the Room of Requirement at 2:00 tomorrow?"  
"Sure..." Harry said, not knowing what this was about. "Why d-"  
"Just be there, mate," Ron said, putting his arm around Hermione as they walked away.  
For the rest of the day, everyone- people from Draco Malfoy to George Weasley - were asking Harry if he was going to show up in the Room of Requirement at 2:00 tomorrow. Well, actually, most students said, "Are you coming to the meeting at 2 tomorrow?" because they didn't know about the Room.  
Once Harry got tired, he dressed in his pajamas.  
"Hey Ron," Harry said, waking up his friend in the neighboring bed. "Could you please tell me what this meeting in the Room of Requirement is about?"  
"Nah," Ron yawned. "You'll see tomor...tomor...tomorrow," and he drifted to sleep in his bed again. Annoyed but sleepy, Harry went to go to sleep in his own bed but didn't make it. He ended up collapsing on the hard, cold floor and slept there all night long.

Harry awake with a foot on his chest.  
"Oi!" he growled.  
"Sorry, mate," Ron apologized, removing his foot from Harry's stomach. "What are you doing down there anyway? I didn't even see you there this morning,"  
"Huh? This morning?" Harry said sleepily. "Argh, I must've had the Cloak on me." He noticed that his feet couldn't be seen. "Wait, this morning? What time is it now?"  
"1:45, mate," Ron explained. "You missed a lot of classes. I came up here to see where you've been. We were looking for you, Harry,"  
"Oh Merlin! I missed Potions. Snape's going to hang my head on his wall!" Harry said, rubbing his eyes.  
"It's okay, Harry," Ron said. "I told Snape that you had a bit of a nasty cold."  
"Thanks, Weasley, I owe you." Harry mumbled. "Oh Merlin! It's almost two!" He looked at the clock.  
"Out, Ron. I'm getting dressed and I don't have underwear on under my pajamas." Harry pointed to the door and Ron obeyed.

In a few minutes, Harry was dressed in his robe and it was 1:50. Harry tried to get to the Room of Requirement in a hurry, because if he didn't, the whole school would be turned against him.  
"Hello, Potter." Snape stopped him in the hallways. "Where are you off to in such a hurry? Didn't Weasley say you had to cold?"  
"I'm, er...I'm on my way to the Hospital Wing to get it checked out. It may be dragon pox-" he faked a cough. "I best go now, Professor. I don't want you to get it."  
Snape looked at him with doubt and walked on.  
Finally, with only a minute left, Harry got into the Room.  
"Finally, Harry!" Luna Lovegood exclaimed. "What took you so long?"  
"Er...what is this about?" Harry looked around seeing everyone, even Professors, glaring at him.  
"Harry..." Hermione walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder, her bushy hair giving a faint bounce. "This is an intevention."  
"An intervention?" Harry called in shock. "But I'm not on drugs or anything, Hermione! You all know that, don't you?"  
"Of course we know that, Harry." Hermione tried to calm him down. "It's just..."  
"Harry, mate," Ron jumped in. "We think well, you need a girlfriend."  
"Or a boyfriend," said Luna. "We won't judge."  
Suddenly, Snape arrived into the Room of Requirement.  
"Snape is in on this too?" Harry said.  
"I didn't know! I lied about that cold!" Ron exclaimed.  
"Well of course I am! I think Potter could use a date, you know." Snape said.  
"But why didn't you tell us, Professor, that you were in on this?" Hermione said.  
Snape replied, "Well...of course I wouldn't tell you, Miss Granger! You don't have to know _everything_, you know dear girl. I like secrets. Like I am also a double agent-"  
"Severus, please!" Dumbledore shouted. "They can't know about that just yet."  
"Sorry, Headmaster," Snape looked away.  
"Hey!" shouted Harry, growing angry. "I'm sure half of you don't have girlfriends or boyfriends either!"  
"Most of us do," Luna said. "Or at least had one in the past. You've never ever ever ever ever had one, or so says Ron."  
"RON! You said you wouldn't tell anyone! I'm never playing Truth-Or-Dare with you again!"  
Ron shrugged.  
"Hey, Snape!" Harry called out in frustration. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"  
"Actually, Potter, for your information, I am married." Snape said with a tone of disgust at Harry's ignorance in his voice.  
"What the bloody hell?" Harry growled. "To who?"  
"It's 'to whom', Potter." Snape corrected.  
"To whom, then?" Harry grumbled.  
"This life-size cardboard cut-out of your Mum," Snape said pulling out a cut-out of Lily Evans from a dark corner in the Room of Requirement.  
"Are you allowed to be married to cardboard? Is that even legal?" Harry yelled in disgust.  
"Well at least I've got a wife," Snape turned his head, leaving his oddly long nose in the air. "When poor Potter hasn't even got a date."  
"It's really quite pathetic, Potty!" said the cold voice of Draco Malfoy. "See, us Slytherins are quite good at finding dates. Isn't that right, Professor?" He asked Snape. Snape didn't answer, for he was too busy petting the cardboard hair of his wife.  
"Anyway, Harry," Ron declared. "Hermione's got a Muggle muvie about how to get a girlfriend for you."  
"Wait." Hermione said with wide eyes, as if she just realized something. "You...you are into girls, aren't you?"  
"Yes, Hermione," Harry sighed, rolling his eyes with annoyance.  
"Are you sure? Because we're here to help you...as Luna said, we won't judge you or anything..."  
"Yes, Hermione! I like girls, okay! Of course I do! I have never had feelings for a bloke before. I like girls! Happy now, Hermione?" Harry burst out, getting sick of this intervention. Harry breathed heavily as he looked around the room. Everyone was staring at Harry with huge, shocked eyes.  
"Okay, Harry." Hermione mumbled, embarrassed.  
"Merlin, Harry!" Ron looked at Harry like he was a monster. "Hermione's only trying to help!" With that, Ron and Hermione walked away.  
"No wonder Potty hasn't a girlfriend! He doesn't know how to talk to them!" Draco called, making Pansy laugh like crazy. "Then again, she was just a Mudblood..."  
"Malfoy! I really do not want to take points away from my own house!" Snape shouted, covering his wife's ears.  
Draco grumbled something that sounded like, "Damf Snapef and hiss stufid love fer Mudbloods."  
"Anyway," Dumbledore exclaimed. "I find Muggle movies fascinating! Let us roll the film, as they say, eh Miss Granger?"  
"Well, actually Professor Dumbledore sir, it's not exactly a movie. It's a short video I got off of a Muggle video sharing website called . I haven't seen it myself, I haven't had time to preview it. I hope it helps. It's by some American bloke called thecomputernerd01." Hermione informed.  
"Well, let's see it, then!" Dumbledore said, still eager.

Hermione started the video.  
"Hello!" said the boy on screen. "I have a cat on my shirt. Meow!" The boy began to talk about something called Prom and his spiky hair.  
"He says there is a 100% guarantee they'll work," Hermione stated nervously as she watched the screen.  
"You have no option at all, go to Prom with me. It's going to be great, I don't care what you say!" said the computernerd01.  
"Do you wanna die?" asked the computernerd01.  
"Um...no!" said a squeaky-voiced gorilla with an afro.  
"Then you better go to Prom with me! Just saying." thecomputernerd01 smiled.  
"I doubt he really caught that gorilla in the wild," Ron said as he read the little red textbox.  
"By looking at the way you waddle down the hall every day, I can tell you're an awful dancer," thecomputernerd01 insulted.  
The gorilla gasped, "Oh, you did not just say that!"  
"Why are you so excited about Prom?" thecomputernerd asked the gorilla.  
"Because it's going to be the highlight of my life!" replied the gorilla.  
"Shut up!" thecomputernerd01 growled. "Who are you going with?"  
"I'm going with...Jason, quarterback of the football team!" the gorilla exclaimed, it's afro bouncing.  
"Um...I'm pretty sure that's not me," thecomputernerd01 said. "So you better change that. Right now."  
Ron laughed hard as thecomputernerd01 talked about teacher's akwardly watching you shake your butt.  
"I'm married!" the gorilla screamed later.  
"One Direction will be at their Prom?" Luna asked.  
"Who is that anyway?" Draco asked. "Filthy Muggles, probably."  
"NO!" Luna replied, with a dreamy tone of voice. "They sing like angels."  
The video was full of things that Harry would never say to a girl in his life.  
"I'm sure that these would all work well while asking someone to Prom," announced Dumbledore. "Whatever Prom is!"  
"Thanks, Hermione," Harry said sarcastically. "This'll be perfect when I ask out a gorilla from the 70's,"  
"It can be put to good use, Harry!" Hermione said, blushing.  
"Harry! Who do you like anyway?" Percy Weasley said. "The entire school is here. Just ask her out now and get it over with."  
"Hey, Harry. If you don't say it now, we'll just use our Truth Treats on you and you'll spill anyway!" Fred Weasley grinned an evil-looking grin.  
"Harry," said a flirty-voiced Romilda Vane. "Come on and just tell us. You're so handsome...I'm sure whoever you ask will agree."  
Harry had to turn away to try to hide the disgusted look on his face.  
"Truth Treats it is!" said the Weasley twins simultaneously. "Get him!"  
With that cue, Ron and George made a mad dash to Harry and pinned him to the ground. Harry hit the ground with a loud THUD.  
"What was that for?" Harry groaned.  
"Sorry I have to do this to you, mate. You were a good kid," Fred said as he forced Harry's mouth ajar and stuffed a blueish lump into his mouth.  
Harry didn't know what these Truth Treats tasted like...was that mango he tasted? Blueberry? Something totally different and strange in every way?  
Soon Harry passed out.  
"Fred! George! You killed him!" Hermione exclaimed.  
"Butterbeers all around!" Draco smiled, making Pansy laugh harder.  
"Can it, Malfoy, you old sack. And he'll wake up soon, wanting to tell us everything." George grinned from ear to ear.  
In a minute or two, Harry awoke with a smile.  
"I feel the need...the need..." Harry said, jumping on a table. "I FEEL THE NEED TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING!"  
Harry burst into song: "Hey all you people! Hey all you people! Hey all you people, won't you listen to me! I've just had a sandwich, no ordinary sandwich. A sandwich smeared with Jelly Fish Jelly!" He ran up to Ron, and sang, "Hey man you gotta try this sandwich. It's no ordinary sandwich...it's the tastiest sandwich in the sea!"  
"So maybe these Truth Treats make you want to tell a little to much, eh?" Fred said, "We'll fix that."  
Hermione walked up to the dancing Harry.  
"Harry, Harry...calm down a bit, please..." she said.  
"Wait! No, not just yet!" Dumbledore exclaimed once again.  
Everyone looked at the headmaster with confusion as he flicked his wand and a song came on. Dumbledore and Harry danced around the Room of Requirement.  
_"...Ripped jeans, skin was showing. Hot night, wind was blowing. Where you think you going, baby? Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy! But here's my number, so call me maybe!" _ the music played.  
"What kind of dung is this old coot playing?" Draco complained. "I much rather be at Pigfarts..."  
"Headmaster, sir?" Hermione said to Dumbledore, who was doing the robot. "I hate you interrupt your dancing, but we really need to know who Harry likes,"  
"Why do we need to know who he likes, anywho?" Dumbledore said, clapping to the song.  
"Well, sir. I have another Youtube video that shows exactly what may happen if Harry doesn't get a girlfriend soon," Hermione said.  
"Because the last one was so great, Granger!" Draco sneered.  
"It's called 'Potter Puppet Pals: Wizard Angst'!" Hermione said. She calmed Harry down and turned it on.  
Harry passed out and woke up a minute later. Hermione paused the video.  
"Is he okay?" she asked.  
"I suppose the Treats wore off," Ron said.  
"Fred, those Treats tasted like dung," Harry said as he woke up.  
"Harry, just watch the video. It shows what would happen if you don't get a girlfriend." Hermione pointed to the screen and unpaused the video.  
On screen, a Harry Potter puppet popped up and said, "I feel cranky and pubescent today and I don't know why! Grr. I'm going to take it out on people I like."  
"Hello, Harry!" squeaked Puppet Ron. "What sort of tomfoolery should we get up to today?"  
The real Ron grumbled a complaint at the Puppet Ron's voice, and Hermione laughed.  
"No tomfoolery today, Ron," Puppet Harry shook his head. "I'm sick of your speckled mug!"  
"Why must you hurt me in this way, Harry?" Puppet Ron squeaked sadly.  
"Yeah, what's your problem, Harry?" said a Puppet Hermione who just popped up. Now it was Hermione's turn to complain and Ron's turn to laugh.  
"I don't sound that manly, do I?" real Hermione whispered to real Ron.  
They turned back to the screen.  
"My parents are dead, my life sucks, I can't hold down a girlfriend, and I'm surround by *beep*ing goblins and *beep* all the time! What the *beep*?" Puppet Harry shouted.  
"But it's magic, Harry!" Puppet Ron squealed. "The goblins are magical!"  
"Well I still have nightmares about Dobby eating my skin clean off every night!" Puppet Harry complained. "I can't take it anymore! I. Quit. Magic."  
"Butterbeers all around!" Draco called out again; Dumbledore shhed him. Dumbledore was enjoying this puppet show very much.  
Puppet Ron gasped.  
"But what about fighting You-Know-Who?" Puppet Hermione asked.  
"Fine! It's all up to you now, Ron," Puppet Harry said.  
"B-b-b-bb-sh-b-g-" Puppet Ron stammered. "No!"  
Real Ron blushed.  
"Go on, now. Go fight him!" Puppet Harry pushed sliding Puppet Ron to a Puppet of Voldemort.  
There was a collective gasp from the audience.  
"Hello little child," Puppet Voldy greeted Puppet Ron, who shook and stammered.  
"Want a piece of me? What?" Puppet Voldy asked.  
"N-no, sir!" Puppet Ron stammered and slid away.  
"Yeah, you better run away!" Puppet Voldy said.  
"I can't do it!" Puppet Ron said.  
"You tried your best, Ron," Puppet Hermione comforted.  
"What's Harry doing?" Puppet Ron looked over to Puppet Harry.  
"Angst, Angst, Angst," Puppet Harry repeated and hit his head against a wall.  
"He's a little off today, haven't you noticed?" Puppet Hermione said.  
"Maybe he's in love!" Puppet Ron suggested.  
"Who would fall in love with such an a-"  
"Maybe he needs a hug?" Puppet Ron said, stopping Puppet Hermione.  
"I'm sure she was going to say 'such a nice guy'!" Dumbledore reassured the audience.  
"I don't want a hug!" Puppet Harry shouted.  
"Give me a hug, Harry," Puppet Ron squealed.  
"NO!"  
Puppet Ron leaned in, "Hugging!"  
"Away with you!" Puppet Harry said punching and punching Puppet Ron. Puppet Hermione popped away.  
Suddenly, Puppet Snape appears.  
The real Snape watches the screen with new interest.  
"What is this rumpus?" Puppet Snape said, exaggerating the real Snape's...unique...voice.  
"Harry hit me!" Puppet Ron squealed.  
"Ron invaded my personal bubble."  
"Me thinks some severe punishment is important here," Puppet Snape said. Puppet Harry and Puppet Ron shook and said, "Oh no."  
"The two of you should be dragged by your ears to the dungeons where a drunken Filch will be waiting with a cactus and a croquet mallet and then-" Puppet Snape was interrupted.  
Puppet Ron and Puppet Harry lifted their wands and said, "Pantiloonus Poopicus!"  
Puppet Snape grumbled and said, "I have to...leave now. Bye." and slid away.  
Puppet Dumbledore came in and cackled, "Aw man that was awesome, guys!"  
"Thanks Dumbledore!" said Puppet Ron.  
Puppet Dumbledore asked, "Are ya still full of that wizard angst, Harry?"  
Puppet Harry said, "I think I can appreciate life a lot more now."  
"Well that's just fantastic!" shouted Puppet Dumbledore.  
"Hey guys." said Puppet Hermione, coming back. "Ew, what's that smell?"  
"Why it's Snape's greatest Potion of all," Puppet Ron said, causing the entire Puppet group to laugh. Suddenly, Puppet Dumbledore flew away.  
"Everyone make a wish," said Puppet Harry.  
The end of the Puppet show came.  
"Wow." said everyone in the Room of Requirement.  
"I think the meaning of that video was that if Harry doesn't get a girlfriend, he might turn against his friends. Right?" Hermione said.  
"The lesson we all learned today is that Youtube videos are ridiculous," Snape said.  
"He's just upset because he made a stinky one in his pants!" Dumbledore cackled.  
Everyone laughed, except for Snape and his cardboard wife.  
Harry opened his mouth to say something, but didn't, because Fred skillfully tossed a Truth Treat into Harry's mouth as he began to speak.  
Harry passed out again, then awoke with Fred holding him against a wall.  
"Harry, mate," Ron asked. "Who do you like?"  
"Well I like a lot..." Harry said, sounding drunk. "I like butta-beeya, I like candy, I like not-a bein' with the Durs-lays, I like my friends, I like moo-sic, I like Hedwoog..."  
"Who would you want to be your girlfriend, you know, your date?" Hermione asked, dumbing it down.  
"Oh, whos I gots a crushy on?" Harry smirked.  
"Yes!" Fred said, excited.  
"I's be likin..." Harry started... "Ooh that light is pretty,"  
"Why do these treats make him so infantile?" Hermione asked.  
"I don't know," George said. "He's the first one we tried them on."  
"Who do you have a crush on, mate?" Ron asked.  
Harry jumped up and exclaimed, "YER SISTER!" Then he giggled like a little baby.  
Ron stood there, his face redder than his hair.  
"What do you mean, my sister?" Ron growled.  
"Well, you only have one of those, don't you?" Seamus said.  
"Unless there is yet another Weasley we don't know about!" Dean excliamed. "Nah, they have enough kids."  
"Harry, are you meaning to tell me you like Ginny? My sister, Ginny?" Ron said, frustrated.  
"Are YOUs meanin to tell ME dat you like HERMIONE? My freeend, Hermione?" Harry said, still seeming drunk, flopped around.  
Harry burst into song again, "Tall and fun and skinny, you're really, really pretty. Ginny! I'm the Mickey to your Minnie. You're the Tigger to my Winnie. Ginny! You're hotter than Laura Linney, I wanna take you out to dinney. Ginny! You're cuter than a guinea pig. Wanna take you up to Winnipeg. That's in Canada!"  
"You will go to NO Canada with my sister, Harry!" Ron screamed.  
"Wait...aren't Tigger and Winnie both blokes?" Seamus said.  
Ron turned and looked at his sister, who looked back with sympathetic and hopeful eyes.  
"Oh come on, you twit!" George shouted at Ron.  
"Isn't it obvious that they are both in love?" Luna said.  
"Wait, Hermione. What are you doing?" Ron turned to Hermione who put another video on screen.  
"Look what I found! It'sanother Potter Puppet Pals!" she exclaimed. She turned it on.  
There stood a puppet Ginny and Puppet Harry. Puppet Ginny stood still.  
"Oh Ginny, you're so HOT." Puppet Harry said. "You're like a stove, like a zesty pepper. I feel this connection. I don't know what it is about you. I feel like you're my best friend. You're so beautiful, like a Thomas Kinkade painting. I'm so into you. Hey, don't move. I'll be right back."  
Puppet Harry slid to Puppet Ron.  
"Hey Ron. I was just with your sister. She's so HOT, Ron. Heads up, I'm going to date your sister." Puppet Harry said.  
"Well that's really wonderf-" Puppet Ron started.  
"I feel bad for you, Ron. It's like you probably don't even know how HOT your sister is. She's really hot." Puppet Harry interrupted.  
"I don't know what the-" Puppet Ron started.  
"I'm going to makeout with your sister tonight. Gonna French it up. I don't need your APPROVAL." Puppet Harry said.  
"But I fully support-" Puppet Ron started, but Puppet Harry slid back away to Puppet Ginny.  
"Oh Ginny! Good God, girl. I can't get you outta my mind! Your freckles drive me WILD, you know that? Oh and that HAIR. I was just thinking, you know what'd be really hot...like I mean REALLY HOT? If you got like a pixie cut. Like real short and modern. I don't know, call me crazy! I just think it'd really do it for me. I know what I like, and I like two things. And that's magic, and you...and me. Be right back," Puppet Harry slid away to Puppet Ron.  
"Hello again, Harry,"  
"Ah! Don't jump out at me like that!" Puppet Harry said. "A face like _that _ should come with a warning! Geesh!"  
"I'm sorry, Harry, I didn't mean to frighten y-"  
"I'M FREAKING OUT, RON! I'm so nervous. I don't know how to ask your sister out. She's too hot," Puppet Harry burst.  
"Oh no, that's quite a problem!" Puppet Ron exclaimed.  
"Look, I just need to practice," Puppet Harry said, "I be me, and you put on this bow and pretend to be Ginny,"  
"No uh-" Puppet Ron's voice was blocked out by Puppet Harry's "You stupid," mumbles. Puppet Ron was in the bow.  
"Ginny, erm, hey Ginny. How's it going? That's cool. Listen, I'm a man. You're a girl. The world could end tomorrow for all we know! Only a FOOL would wait! So c'mon, Ginny, be mah girlfriend. Be mah witch."  
"I would LOVE to, Harry," Puppet Ron said, pretending to be his sister.  
"Oh you would? You've made me that happiest man alive, Ginny! I'm so happy, I could kiss you." Puppet Harry and Puppet Ron leaned in and in, looking as though they were going to kiss (which made real Ron shudder), but once they were just an inch away, Puppet Harry whispered, "Simulation complete,  
I'm ready now! Thank you Ron!"  
"No problem, Harry."  
Puppet Harry slid to Ginny, who's hair was short.  
"Hey Ginny. You got that haircut. It's nice. I love it. Wait... don't move," said puppet Harry, "I'll be right back."  
The rest of the video was Puppet Harry sliding back and forth trying to figure out who was Puppet Ginny and who was Puppet Ron, and at the end, he kills himself.  
"I think the meaning of that video is that Ron should be more like his puppet-self and be supportive of Harry and Ginny. Right?" Hermione said, nervously again.  
"I think the meaning of the video is that Harry's a big twat!" Ron said again. Harry passed out.  
In a minute, he woke up again.  
"Sorry, mate," Ron helped him up, and said this part calmy, "But you can't date Ginny. I forbid it,"  
"Date? Date...Ginny? You've got to be off your rocker, Weasley!" Harry exclaimed. "I mean, your sister...she's nice and all...she's got great skin and we're good friends, we are, but date her? I mean, I love her like a SISTER. Because me and you, Ron, we're like brothers so she's got to be my sister, am I right? I feel the need to PROTECT her like you do, you know, because she's like my sister...date my own sister? That's crazy stuff, Ron Weasley..." Harry babbled on.  
"Potter, every single last point will be taken away from Gryffindor and NO ONE will be allowed to play Quidditch for the rest of the year if you don't tell us the truth, Potter." McGonagall shouted.  
"Fine," Harry mumbled. "I kinda like your sister."  
"Are you sure she's not SO HOT, like you can't get her outta your mind? Don't her freckles drive you WILD?" Seamus joked (when doesn't he?).  
"What the bloody hell are you saying, Seamus?" Harry growled.  
"I mean are you sure you don't want to French it up?" Dean laughed.  
"Don't you want her to be yah witch?" Dumbledore cackled.  
"What in the name of Merlin's bloody trousers are they talking about?" Harry shouted.  
"A Potter Puppet Pals Youtube video, Harry," Luna informed. "It was titled 'Ginny' and you kind of said these things, Harry..."  
"It's true, Harry Potter!" Dobby chimed in. "And Harry Potter said that he had dreams of Dobby eating away at Harry Potter's skin! Dobby would never do that to his Harry Potter, no sir!"  
An owl pecked at the window; Luna read who the little letter the owl was holding was to.  
"It's for...Harry and Ron...from Mrs. Weasley," Luna said, opened in the window and letting the owl fly in and hand Ron the letter. As the owl flew away, Ron looked at the mail with horror.  
"It's a...a..." Ron stuttered.  
"It's a what, Ronald?" Hermione asked, trying to catch a glance at what the letter said.  
"It's a Howler from Mum!"  
"Why would Mrs. Weasley send us a Howler?" Harry asked.  
"For fun, I bet," George said.  
Hermione snatched the Howler and opened it up.  
"Hello there, Harry!" said Mrs. Weasley's voice kindly. "I sent you this Howler not to yell at you, but to express my happiness and excitement through my own voice!  
So, from what I've heard, you have a thing for my Ginny..."  
"How the bloody hell does she know already?" Ginny asked.  
"Demon, that one is, I tell you. My mum...she's got spies everywhere," Fred announced.  
"Blood traitors'll do that, ya know," Draco laughed and Snape flicked Draco across the head.  
Mrs. Weasley went on: "Ronald Bilius Weasley!" the envelope turned to Ron. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STOP HARRY AND GINNY FROM GOING OUT! I AM UTTERLY DISGUSTED, AND SO IS YOUR FATHER. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF WE TRIED TO STOP YOU AND HERMIONE FROM GOING OUT?" the envelope turned to Hermione.  
"You know, Hermione dear, we'd never ever do that to you. You are part of the family already, dear, you know that." the envelope turned to Ron.  
"HARRY IS FAMILY ANYWAY. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHO HE DATES AND WHO GINNY DATES."  
The envelope fluttered it's way to Ginny.  
"You know, Ginevra dear, we fully support you and Harry. Don't listen to your brother.  
And Fred and George. Truth Treats? Really?" The envelope popped and vanished.  
It left Hermione, Ron, Harry, and Ginny redder than a Weasley's hair.  
"I guess you can date Ginny," Ron mumbled. "BUT IF YOU FRENCH IT UP- WHATEVER THAT MEANS- I SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO COME TO MY HOUSE EVER..."  
"Weasleys have a house?" Draco scoffed. "Who knew? Personally, I always thought that you all lived on the street in seperate boxes..."  
Snape kicked Draco's shin.  
"Stupid Muggle-loving Gingers." Draco grumbled.  
"HOW DARE YOU MOCK MUGGLE-LOVING GINGERS!" Snape screamed and pointed his wand at Draco's throat. "ONE MORE OUTBURST LIKE THAT AND I WILL SEND YOU TO THE DUNGEON WHERE A DRUNKEN FILCH WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU WITH A CROQUET MALLET AND-"  
"Severus, please." Dumbledore said. Draco twitched and turned away.  
"That puppet wasn't far off, was it?" McGonagall said, smirking.  
"Oh Minerva. What a pleasure to see you here. What's new pussy cat?" Snape sneered.  
"Severus Snape, I see no problem in giving _you _detention, you know that, don't you?" McGonagall replied.  
"Don't '_hiss'_ at me now!" Snape retorted cleverly.  
"Severus! No need to get your dress in a twist!" McGonagall yowled.  
"It is a cloak!" Snape shouted.  
"Nice wig, Severus! It can't be real...it's too greasy! What's it made out of?" McGonagall replied.  
"Your mum's chest hair!" Snape bubbled with anger.  
"Does anyone have popcorn?" Ron asked.  
"Well at least I'm not married to cardboard!" McGonagall growled.  
"Why are you even talking to each other anyway?" Dumbledore said, even though he was laughing.  
McGonagall replied, "I don't know, I mean, he's so weird, he just, you know, came up to me and started talking to me about crack."  
"What?" Snape spat.  
"Can you both just...shut your mouths?" Dumbledore said through airy giggles.  
"Sorry Albus." McGonagall said, feeling foolish and naive.  
"We are here to help Harry find a-" Dumbledore started, but saw that Harry was busy flirting with Ginny. And Hermione was busy restraining Ron from snapping Harry like a SlimJim.  
"I'm hungry. When will we be leaving?" Draco complained.  
"Here," Luna said, handing him a Truth Treat. "I always carry around snacks, you know. Helps ward of the Nargles."  
"Whatever Loony," Draco said, devouring the Truth Treat as Luna laughed. Fred and George watched in awe as Luna backed away from Draco, still laughing.  
"Where'd you get the Treat, anyway?" Fred asked Luna in a whisper.  
"I took it from your case of them when you were strangling Harry," Luna said.  
"Amazing!" George exclaimed. "You're not so bad for an insane girl after all,"  
Luna looked confused, but just stared at Draco who was now singing.  
"_A duck walked up to the lemonade stand and said to the man running the stand, 'Hey!' bom bom bom, 'Got any grapes?'_"  
The whole room laughed, and Pansy cried.

"So in the end," Dumbledore announced. "Harry got a girlfriend and everyone was happy."  
"Let me tell you something about Harry Potter," Ron said. "We are best friends since our first year. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then this year, I started going out with my girlfriend Hermione who is totally gorgeous, and Harry was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Hermione, he'd be like, "Why didn't you owl me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-magic pool party and my house, I was like, 'Harry, I can't invite you, because I think Ginny has the hots for you.' I mean I couldn't have Harry at my party. Ginny was going to be in her *bathing suit*. I mean, right? Ginny had a THING for him. So then he owled my mum and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of the D.A. because no one would talk to him, and he came back in a month because Umbridge was being all abusive or whatever, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird, and now I guess he's dating my sister."  
"Ronald, that never happened."

THE END.


End file.
